so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
