I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
