My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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