im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
