I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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