weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
