Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
