John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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