this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize