she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
