how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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