Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
