i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
