Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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