dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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