Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
