singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
