Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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