Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
