I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
