Sponge bath it is.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
