Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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