we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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