You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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