Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
