In the future we'll all be gay
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
