What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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