(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
