Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
