Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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