your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize