I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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