ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
