I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
