It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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