she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"