we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This girl wants me to lick her pits
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.