dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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