I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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