guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Barsexuality is the new black.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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