if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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