I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
