I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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