I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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