I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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