Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
