I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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