Just cropdusted the office
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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