a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
