I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just send me my own nude
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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