You're completely useless in the revolution.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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