This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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