He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
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Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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