Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
