i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
