oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't put those talents on a resume
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
