Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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