Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
