This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.