Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
