I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think your dad took our porno
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
