Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
