the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
