i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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