She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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