just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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