i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
