i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
