just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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