for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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