He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
