Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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